TRY BEING THIS GUY
When most guys watch The Hangover, they probably stretch a little to identify themselves with the super cool Bradley Cooper. I can’t stretch that far.
I even spent a couple of years sporting the “satchel” in the late 2000s. I felt it was a fashion-forward, functional choice. I remember a guys trip to Phoenix where we were going to watch some Spring Training baseball. The night we flew into town we went to a couple of bars. There were a few murse jokes, but beyond that my friends were quite gracious. It was, after all, the price they were paying. You see, I was invited on the trip primarily to be the designated driver. I didn’t drink, and it never occurred to me why the cool guys were so eager to invite me for a guys weekend.
IT DOESN’T STOP WITH THE SATCHEL
My run with the satchel isn't the only indicator. When I’m at an event and spot an acquaintance across the room, they’ll give me a cool and subtle James Dean nod. I’ll throw up some crazy jazz hands wave while accidentally slapping some woman in the face on the way up. Need more examples? I could go all day…
My neighbor drives a Chevy Tahoe, and his wife a Suburban. So they essentially have the same car, which as a car-guy I find interesting. One day my wife and I purchased a new Volvo SUV. The dealer was running behind so they offered me a loaner SUV to take home, and they would deliver our car that evening. When they did, we had two matching Volvo SUVs in our driveway for a few minutes. My neighbor pulled up right then. He yells across the street a friendly, “I like your new car”. Cool guys would just say a simple “thanks” and be done with it. Me, I’ve got to scan through my list of possible responses the way The Terminator would. I locate the most awkward one in the list: “I figured we would get a matching set, like you”.
THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO WORK WITH
With this, I’m expected to go out and get somewhere in life. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate what I’ve got: My hair keeps growing, and people tell me that being tall is not a bad thing. I’ve known my height to only to cause bumps and gashes on my head when navigating basements, airplanes, or my attic storage.
Perhaps me lacking the sense to be casual and witty enhances my other senses. I’ve always been less concerned with fitting in anyway. At an event I can watch a hundred people working it really hard. But they’re all so cool, beautiful, and clever that they’re just static. Just noise. You always remember the unique characters. Zach’s character is the one we all remember from The Hangover. I’ll take unique over static any day.
I’M PROBABLY EXAGGERATING
Perhaps I am not quite as awkward as the guy in the movie. In fact, when asked, plenty of people have told me that I’m a cool guy. They should know. They work for me after all.
But seriously, I went to lunch recently with one of those friends from the guys trip 15 years ago. He’s one of the coolest, smartest, most successful guys you could know. I was thrilled just to be seen with him in that trendy restaurant. At some point we were talking about the concept of socially awkward behavior and I mentioned, “like me”. He seemed genuinely surprised. I told him that it was fine, that I’m okay with it. He adamantly refuted this notion about me, now or in the past.
I appreciated that. It showed that I’ve found a way to make it work for me. Or it just showed how wonderful and accepting my friends are. I’ll take either one.
