THE SNOW JOB
I’m always disappointed when things that I enjoy are taken away. I get it - there’s room for only so many things at one time, so when a new thing comes along something else has to go. Like the mini fried burritos at my go-to fast food chain when I was 16 years old. I consumed hundreds of those little guys for a couple of years then suddenly they took them away. Apparently I was the only one enjoying them. That or there were too many reports to the American Heart Association, so they had to pull the plug.
But I eventually got over those little burritos. I found something else equally horrible for me to eat and I moved on. All the while something even more near and dear to me was slowly being taken away. I didn’t notice it because it didn’t happen overnight like the burritos. I’m talking about the expression Snow Job and it’s even cooler variant Snowed. Growing up in the 1970’s snow jobs were everywhere: The Nixon administration kicked off the decade with a beauty. The Chevy dealer was snowing my dad. There was a Snow Job G.I. Joe character. They even made a Snow Job heist movie.
To be fair, Snow Job isn’t totally dead. It’s living out a modest life in its twilight years. I can google around and find it gasping for occurrences here and there. But my life seemed somehow richer when I heard it every day. Around the dinner table my dad would tell us about the building inspector who tried to snow him, or the insurance company. The government was constantly snowing us. My dad’s not a complainer, mind you. It’s just that people were snowing people a lot back then and it was awesome.
Today I hear a different batch of expressions every day. I hear Woke, Trans, and Equity at least twice each from the speaker built into the gas pump in as much time as it takes to fill up. It’s probably in my best interest that I hear woke, trans, and equity as often as I do, I just want a little Snow Job sprinkled in for comic relief.
The irony is, the 1970’s and its mere millions have nothing on today. Bernie Madoff snowed billions from his clients. Elizabeth Holmes: check. Sam Bankman-Fried: double-check (snow job and douchebag). People today are taking snow jobs to a whole new level but I don’t even get the pleasure of hearing them referred to by the best expression ever handed out.
Perhaps the real problem is that Snow Job is just a middle aged white guy (triple pun intended). He dominated for too long and it’s time to give other expressions their equal opportunity. If that’s the case who got the promotion? Scam? Con? Fake News? Please. No thanks, those aren’t doing it for me.
IT TURNS A FROWN UPSIDE-DOWN
Let me break it down like this: Here are two scenarios that seem very similar at first. But you throw snowed in and everything changes for the better.
Scenario A: THE SCAM
A woman came up to you today at a gas station asking for $10 so she can get enough gas to make it home to take care of her Alzheimer’s mother. You gave her a twenty, then minutes later you watched her walk out with a bottle of booze and a pack of smokes.
You’ve been scammed, and I can’t believe you fell for one of the oldest cons in the book. Best keep this to yourself as you drink away your shame in solitude.
Scenario B: THE SNOW JOB
A woman came up to you today at a gas station asking for $10 so she can get enough gas to make it home to take care of her Alzheimer’s mother. You gave her a twenty, then minutes later you watched her walk out with a bottle of booze and a pack of smokes.
You’ve been snowed my friend! Call your friends and laugh about it over some beers tonight.
TIME TO MOVE ON
I admit that not all of our old sayings should stick around. Who wants to hear people say “that persnickety character is trying to give me a shellacking with his fiddlesticks?” There are strong reasons why certain phrases are sunsetted. But Snow Job?
Still, I’ve just got to move on. I can't be like those old guys always longing for the good old days. These are the good old days, and letting go of old habits is good for us.
There’s no sense rizzing over snowed woke.
