I WISH EVERYONE WERE AS HUMBLE AS ME
I passed by a man wearing a t-shirt that said: “I wish everyone were as humble as me.” It was mildly funny, but it related to something I’d been thinking about. I’ve been trying to discover if there’s a clear and identifiable balance between confidence and humility.
It’s no news flash that humility is a good thing. Most of us aspire for it. At a gathering, nobody is impressed when someone goes on and on about their accomplishments. Equally, we’re not inspired by that person in the office who is always making sure everyone knows that “ this was my idea.” The respect for them drops, and the annoyance rises. In times like this, I begin to look around the room and count up all the accomplishments of greater value from those just quietly listening. My respect for those people grows stronger in that moment. Those are the relationships I want to pursue.
In this regard, most of us do the best we can to present ourselves pleasantly. Confident, but not gloating. Humble, but not weak. It’s not easy to get right. We’ve all heard it said: “If you want people to think well of you, don’t speak well of yourself.”
60% OF THE TIME I GET IT WRONG EVERY TIME
Not by a long-shot do I have this thing nailed. I either work so hard to be that quiet guy in the background, allowing everyone else to go on and on, or I am that guy going on and on. I’ve discovered both to work against me.
Multiple times this has happened: I’m chatting with someone at an event who is pursuing skills in a particular area. It’s an area that I myself have taken a distance, or achieved some success. I listen to them describing their desires, goals, and their early successes in this area. I may mention that I share their interest - but, out of an overly eager attempt at not stealing their thunder, I leave it at that. Weeks later I’ve run into this same person who tells me: “Why did you never mention that you were X and had achieved Y.” I realize then that I took this way too far. I could have possibly provided them helpful input and perspective had I simply allowed myself to go there. Perhaps an instance like this could even provide me with a new challenge or opportunity. My misdirected good intentions had failed both of us.
On the other hand, I’ve driven home from events where I feel like I had been a Chatty Cathy doll pulling my own string over and over talking about myself all night long. I’m not much of a drinker, so I can’t even blame it on the booze. I drive home feeling so dirty, having lost the respect of everyone there. I try to figure out how it happened. Perhaps someone asked me: “Bill told me that you do such and such. Is that right?” In that moment, It’s like I’ve been in prison for years, and they just opened all the gates. I seize this little opening and proceed with a tidal wave of self-promotion. In my mind in that moment I’m the most interesting man in the world, and everyone traveled great distances to hear of my great triumphs and exploits.
WHERE, OH WHERE IS THAT BALANCE?
That circles me back to that elusive balance between confidence and humility. I’ve seen people who have it - such pleasant people to be with. They lean in to learn from whoever is speaking. Perhaps at the right moment, they drop a tasty little nugget. It is appreciated and savored for its rarity. And when someone else asks for more, it isn’t taken as an indicator to release the floodgates. Instead, it may be met with a question of their own. It’s like watching a wizard.
I will never achieve wizard status. But I will keep trying to improve.
Cheers.
